TLDR: Flying can be miserable and it seems like they could fix it.
A Regrettable Experience
“Excuse me sir, we’re going to have to gate check your bag.” I shrugged as the attendant affixed a shipping label to my bag and I boarded the plane. There’s never space for my bag by the time I board. Whatever. I got to my aisle seat 8 rows from the back of the plane. There’s a stout 6’4” man in the middle seat. He does not properly fit and his legs and arms flow over into the airspace of my seat. I sit down and put on my noise cancelling headphones and before long we’re in the air.
“Excuse me miss, your shoe is touching the person in front of you,” I heard the flight attendant state plainly. He was really close to me when he said it. A little gross, I thought. I feel something brush up against my elbow. I am “the person in front of you.” A young woman removed her foot from my armrest and the flight carried on. I pulled out my laptop. There was just enough space between me and the seatback in front of me to fit my 13 inch laptop. Typing, however, was a separate issue. Bending my arms like a T-rex was not going to make for a comfortable working environment. From my aisle seat, I swung my legs and computer out into the aisle. Ah, so much space. Then a bathroom procession rolled through ruining my workspace. The aisle of an airplane seems to be a constant parade of individuals. This is regardless of the status of the “fasten seatbelt” sign. Flight attendents hustle up and down the aisle, sometimes pushing heavy carts filled with refreshments. Passengers seem to compete over who can use the bathroom the most times on a 4 hour flight. Everytime I fly, I feel a sense of unfulfilled potential. This could be so much better. So, here is my proposal, which breaks down to use the freakin’ space better.
Better Use of Space
As I was sitting in my seat, I realized how little space I had. My knees were against the seat in front of me. The person in front of me promptly reclined their seat, so I had about 2 feet between my chest and his seat. I looked around and there is an endless expanse of free space. The ceilings are high. There are large luggage compartments where our bags get to sit comfortably while we toil in discomfort. How do we fix this?
Get rid of carry-on baggage. The current state of affairs is ridiculous. Almost everyone prefers to carry-on their bag over checking it, and yet checking it costs money and carry-on is free. What ensues is a gross race to get on the plane. Have you ever wondered why passengers hover right around the gate while they wait for their boarding group to be called? It’s because there is a scarcity of space so you have to compete to get on. At the very least, carry-ons should reflect their desirability and cost more than checked bags. But removing checked bags has many benefits. First, boarding and deplaning times will decrease. You won’t have to wait for granny to grab her bag and struggle to stuff it into the compartment. Everyone just walks into their seat. There is also decreased stress and animosity as there is no competition. I don’t have to stew over the lady who somehow has 5 personal items in the overhead compartment because there simply isn’t an overhead compartment. This would have spillover effects into airport security, which should be abolished altogether but fewer bags would improve the dismal state of affairs at the TSA.
Second, there is now much more space! And we can use this space. The idea is we decrease the horizontal distance between seats and instead stagger seats in vertical space. This has many benefits, to include rendering a foot touching my elbow a physical impossibility. We can now fit more passengers on a plane and give passengers more space. And at what cost? A few extra minutes at baggage claim. I understand this hinges on improving the checked bag situation, but how bad is it really? American, among the worst airlines for handling checked luggage, loses .7% of all checked bags. That’s not great, but worth it for me.
Some One-Off Improvements
Remove seat reclining. It sucks. I don’t think the added comfort for the indivudal compensates the added discomfort for the person behind them. I’d be willing to reconsider if there were more space.
Get rid of the snacks and drinks. We’re all adults here. You should be able to survive a 4 hour flight without a resupply. Bring enough rations to last the flight.
Get rid of the seatbelt. The seatbelt doesn’t do shit. I’m convinced it’s more of an oppressive tool than anything else. The goal of the seatbelt is to keep you strapped to your seat, instead of fooling around, so the airplane is less hectic. It is not to protect you. In an accident, a seatbelt will not save you; you will incinerate. I understand this is regulatory but it’s absurd. My last flight was taxiing for 2 hours. We were stopped, and the captain graciously allowed guests to use the bathroom. Before we could move, he announced everyone had to be back in their seats with their seatbelts fastened. Really? For a 4 mph drive?
Charge money for the bathroom. Going to the bathroom has a negative externality on the individuals you force to get up twice to exit your seat. Charge a dollar or so to price-in this cost.
Establish special privileges for ideal customers. Who do you want to sit next to? For me, the perfect companion is quiet, does not have an odor, does not take up more than their assigned space, does not get up at all during the flight, and basically does not attract any attention. There should be a special section of the plane for these people. They can sit next to each other and enjoy peace and harmony.